my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
