found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize