I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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