She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
