Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
