She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
