Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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