i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
