If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
