you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
