My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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