Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
