I never want to see another naked old woman again.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
