wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
