This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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