The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
