Plan B is the new Plan A
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
