I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
