Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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