my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
