Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize