I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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