are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
whose ass print is on the piano?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
