I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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