The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
