Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
