Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
