You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize