He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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