why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
