I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
