I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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