my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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