Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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