I just cut my nipple shaving
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
