Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Of course I have a pirate flag
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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