We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
