She said her name was "party"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
