if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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