i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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