I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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