i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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