i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We are two peas in an std pod
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
