I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
