My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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