So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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