I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
