I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize