I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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