im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
