you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
