New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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