The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
