did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Drake has all the answers
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
