....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
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