I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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