Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
