Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
