I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
