So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
