I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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