He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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